Three Legged Race Thursday Surf & Culture Report
Stuck way in the middle of our photo this morning is a mysterious craft lurking outside the Breakwall. Mike Macintosh thought it might be a buoy tender or a kelp cutter. We thought it looked like it might be restoring some lost rock to the storm ravaged wall. Maybe you know what it is? If you do - tell us for cryin' out loud...
Cloudy, overcast this springer of a Thursday morning with 10 miles visibility. Winds were trying to turn early, with scant onshores at 3.2kts, leaving the sea surface bumped and uneven. The air temp was 54.5° and the water is 57.6° and the whole thing looked slate-blue and not quite welcoming. High tide was at 5:50am +5.1' and low tide will follow at 1:02pm -0.5'. The swell is coming from the WSW 237° at 3.9'. It seems to be strong, yet the winds, cool air and bumpy conditions seemed to attract only a few enthusiastic folks. We felt like we were slacking a bit, but it does get better than this. That being said, it also gets worse than this. When that happens we'll be thinking what a good idea it would have been to have gone out this morning!
This came across our desk and we just had to share it. If you have any sure-fire ways to snag OBL drop us a line.
5 crazy ways to catch Osama Bin Laden
Flying bears, robot bees, and psychic spies: Just three of the radical ways in which we've tried to capture the terrorist mastermind.
Though more than eight years have passed since 9/11 transformed Osama Bin Laden into the world's most wanted man, the Saudi Arabian warlord remains at large. The U.S. government's persistent (and, so far, fruitless) plans to catch Bin Laden were recently cast in doubt by Attorney General Eric Holder's prediction that he'll never be captured alive. Here's a look back at some of the more radical entrapment schemes people have suggested along the way:
1. A teleportation miracle
Back in 2005, "Military futurists" at Edwards Air Force Base Research Lab were reportedly attempting to pioneer Star Trek-like teleportation technology with an eye to "beaming" soldiers across long distances. One day, predicted military spokesman Ranney Edwards in the San Francisco Chronicle, this would allow the U.S. to teleport soldiers into "a cave, tap Bin Laden on the shoulder, and say: 'Let's go.'"
(Biggest problem here was that you have to teleport naked. That just might leave our valiant troops undergunned... Ed.)
2. An airborne bear squad
According to Stars and Stripe, an anonymous letter writer informed the Pentagon, accurately, that a bear's sense of smell is more acute than a bloodhound's. "Trained bears with GPS and day/night cameras around their necks might be able to hunt down [Bin Laden's] scent," wrote the unnamed amateur strategist. His proposal involved dropping bears wearing "parachutes that self-destruct after landing" into Western Pakistan — everyone knows how much difficulty bears have taking those things off.
(What they forgot is that you can train bears to roll on balls and dance, which makes for a rather interesting scene when they find OBL. Do they plan to make him applaud to death? Of course if the bears are hungry, they might find OBL and eat him without much fanfare. Gee, don't we want to bring him to justice? Ed.)
3. A robot army of killer bees
The Pentagon has tried training bees to smell bombs. But a small nanotechnology firm has reportedly gone further, claiming it could design "little drones that are the size of bumblebees" with the capacity to hunt down and kill terrorists. Perhaps the $25 million reward for capturing OBL is part of the revenue forecast?
(How many times have robot bees turned on their creators and offed them instead of the bad guys? Well... LOTS! Does make a good start for a screenplay though... Ed.)
4. Psychic spies
The British Ministry of Defense reportedly spent $27,000 recruiting psychics to locate Bin Laden's hideaway in 2002. According to the Daily Mail, the Brits recruited 12 amateur psychics to see whether their sixth sense could be used to "remotely view" the terrorist's secret headquarters. Ultimately, it seems, defense chiefs concluded there was "little value" in mobilizing the would-be mind-readers.
(All 12 amateur psychics failed when asked, "What is the capital of South Dakota?" So much for seeing and knowing all. Of course we have no idea why they didn't recruit professional psychics. Other than the fact they'd probably cost more than $27,000. Hell, they'd cost that much in bent forks and goats! Ed.)
5. Wildlife distribution technology (a.k.a. Pretending he's an animal)
Geographers at UCLA triumphantly announced in 2009 they had discovered Osama's hiding place using state-of-the-art "wildlife distribution technology." Based on how animals behave in the wild, said Thomas Gillespie to the NY Times, we can deduce he is "closest to the point where he was last reported" and "within a region that has a similar physical environment and cultural composition." UCLA posited this was a tribal village named Parachinar. Unfortunately, no one has yet followed up on the prediction.
(Based on "wildlife distribution technology" we deduce that OBL is more likely in Westwood, hanging out in that hookah bar on Le Conte. Ed.)
Okay, there you have it! Your turn to let us know how to find Osama Bin Laden. No idea is too far out (obviously!)
"When the surf breaks, we'll fix it..."
The Professor!!
